Category Archives: Dealing with loss

Missing someone who was never yours.

I must admit that whenever people used to talk about ‘missing someone who was never yours’, I thought they were asinine for not realizing what they had until it was gone. Yet, now I fit into this category. I always used to be that girl that he would go to for advice and really confide in. I thought absolutely nothing of it at the time, though now, all of those conversations are the ones I reminisce the most. I have become my own definition of asinine. And, all I can ask myself is ‘how?’. He gave me the best advice that anyone has ever given me in my life: there is no such thing as a mistake, you make a decision and sometimes, you have to overcome huge barriers because of that one decision, but at least at the end, you will be a better person. That one piece of advice has gotten me through the toughest times, when nobody else could. Why did I ignore him when I still had the chance to tell him how I felt? That is a question that only death really evokes. The worst part was that he had a girlfriend who he never loved, that is what he needed advice on most of all. In all honesty, I actually liked her, although I don’t think that the feeling was mutual. She is the one who is getting all of the attention and help surrounding the death, and I’m going to sound bitter here, but to me, she doesn’t even seem to miss him, not going by the fact that she didn’t even cry at his funeral, you’d of thought she would, right?. I get the impression that she values the attention of the death more than any decent person would, and I can’t stand it. I’ve had no help or anyone to console me, but I’m still finding a way to breathe. I wish that I had just given him the advice he needed: do what makes you happy. As cliche as it sounds, at least he would have died happy. If I had one bit of advice to give, it would be to understand exactly what everyone in your life means to you. If you don’t, you can never be certain that you won’t regret it. I may sound like a depressed idiot, maybe I am, but if this helps just one person, then I can safely say that it was worth it.

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